Bedtime Shenanigans…
The witching hour, the bedtime bungle, the pre-bedtime crazies…the hours leading up to sleep that often feel like they drag on and on and on. Somehow the time between 5-8 pm seems to take 2,438 years.
Young children have a lot to do and a lot to say - and if they are in care outside the home most of the day, they also have a lot to unpack in the safe haven that is their home with loving caregivers. Bedtime is the stage for all of this to unfold and they need time to unwind and feel connected before separating and drifting off to sleep.
We also need to be aware of how much sleep we’re offering our children. Toddlers (18 months - 3 years) need a little more sleep than pre-school kiddos (3-5 years olds) - but every kid is different and you need to determine what their overall sleep needs are. Sometimes bedtime shenanigans can be caused by an overtired or under tired child.
Getting energy out before bedtime is helpful for all children, especially the sensory seekers
Some of my favorite bedtime tips & tricks for toddlers and pre-schoolers include:
Give Them Choice:
All young children are driven to seek autonomy and develop their will. A lot of this comes up at bedtime when they are being “asked” to do a lot in a short amount of time. Give them age appropriate opportunities to make choices - what clothes to wear, what book to read, what stuffy to snuggle with. Determining when bedtime is should remain a parent decision, but the smaller details can be left up to them.
“Do you want to sing a bedtime song or hear a story tonight?”
“It’s time to get into bed, do you want to fly like an airplane or jump in like a kangaroo?”
Plan Wind-down Time into Bedtime:
Your baby probably had a simple bedtime routine that took a pretty set amount of time each evening if things were going well. Toddlers and pre-schoolers need much more time - think 40-60+ minutes depending on their day. This might begin with a lot of gross motor to get the wiggles out or a calming family activity. Or it might be a 1:1 activity with a parent the child didn’t see as much of during the day. Whatever you decide works for your family the key is to plan backwards from the time you want your child in bed and ready for sleep. They need to tell you about their day, maybe hear about what tomorrow brings, and generally know you are there for them in every way (physically and mentally) before they prepare to drift off to slumber land.
Imbuing “stuffies” with love and including them in stories around bedtime can be very helpful.
Connect in Some Way as a Family:
This ties into the previous point - children need time to connect and fill their cup. Bedtime is essentially a period of separation - even if your child sleeps close to you in your room or across the hall. They feel safe to let all their emotions come out in your company and they might have had a day they need to unpack. We go through many periods of separation and attachment throughout life - birth, weaning off the breast, learning to walk, beginning to use the pronoun “I” as we learn we’re separate from our mother - sleep is one more instance where we can practice healthy attachment in order to separate for short periods of time. Find small, meaningful ways to connect with your child in the evening.
Have a Routine & Stick to it:
Not every day goes as planned but having a basic bedtime routine in mind can really help steer the ship. Playtime - bath time - pajamas - read books or do a quiet puzzle - snuggles and stories - goodnight. Routine communicates to children that they can trust in what is about to happen, they might test that framework often, but they feel secure when the expectations are the same. They don’t have to feel overwhelmed by all the possible pre-bedtime activities, they feel secure in knowing what will come next. You can even make a bedtime booklet, or a visual chart, and your child can be an active participant in guiding bedtime and letting you know what comes next.
Social Emotional Learning:
When our adult brains are racing in the evening it can be very hard to settle down and quiet our minds to allow sleep to take over. Some people find it helps to journal, listen to an audio book, be creative in some way, move their bodies gently, or do a body scan meditation. We can apply these tactics to children too; teaching some healthy pre-sleep habits to quiet our mind and body goes a long way. Some of my favorite kid meditations includes the headspace app or little renegades cards. Asking questions can be helpful (and you might actually learn a lot) -
“How does your body feel when it’s sleepy?” “When you feel rested, you can_____”
“What is the best part of being a kid?” “What is the hardest part of being a kid?”
You can guide them through doing body scans where they imagine each part of their body and say goodnight to it or where they lift their legs and drop them or make fists with their hands and then release them. Lots of tools out there to check in with our minds and bodies before bedtime!
Meet Marly
A Montessori trained educator, sleep coach, and toilet learning specialist who has supported families for over a decade. Check out more on her website and sign up for her newsletter to receive your FREE Montessori guide to the first 12 months!